Stating what you want

Here’s what can happen when you start to focus on something you want more of: the opposite sometimes happens. I’m sure you’ve had this experience!

The other day I was focusing on one of my goals happening, and understanding that the essence of that goal at this time was me feeling more confident in my abilities. That night I was to give a speech at the local Toastmasters Club, about which I felt quite confident and was looking forward to doing.

When the time for the speech came though, I was preceded by a new member to the organisation, who proceeded to give a very impassioned and well-constructed speech about being a blonde-haired, blue-eyed European woman who had chosen to become a Muslim. Dressed in a long gown and the hajib, she made a compelling sight.

This threw me — in just a couple of minutes, I had to walk up and give my speech (ironically entitled ‘You are what you think’!). My previously confident foundations had been wobbled, and I wasn’t aware enough to rise and speak in the moment about what had happened, which might have been one way round it. Instead, I gave my planned speech, but I was not authentic in the moment, nor as passionate or engaged as I usually am. In short, my body was up there speaking, but I was not inhabiting it.

So I finished and now had the perfect conditions to ‘become what I was thinking’. How ironic! I noticed how envious I was, how critical I was being of her (all projections from me of course) and it wasn’t until I got to bed a couple of hours later that I began to make some progress on being kind and loving towards myself and her, instead of beating myself up.

I learnt that this is how contrast works. State you are wanting one thing, and sometimes the apparent opposite, the contrast, turns up. I see this as a test of my desire — whether to give up the desire or to continue with being committed to it, regardless. In the end I was able to thank this person and situation for giving me the gift of clarifying my desire for more confidence, for pointing out that it’s important to be the best me I can be, not someone else, and for showing how the confidence I had experienced in the earlier part of the evening had been built on shaky ground. Whew! A bit of a journey, but I got there in the end.